An earlier reality...emotional pain expressed through my pen...
Where does this scream come from
It is buried so deep and taunts me
Controls me, determines how I’ll be
Why have I been given a life sentence?
I want to let it go, but how?
It is like a graze on my soul
And sometimes it weeps
It encircles my whole being
Consuming me as silently I bleed
Distant empty sad
Is this a curse?
Am I a victim?
Helpless.. nothing seems to work
At least not for long
It comes back over and over
Primal force an energy of its own
Like a fire raging through me
Oh God where is my relief?
I lash out, hurt…. run
Crazy feelings stuck to irrational outbursts
I fear the child in me has been branded
like a cattle beast ready for slaughter
No choice…I am powerless
I can pretend
I’ve done it all my life
Become isolated numb
With the hell untriggered..jammed
May be the only solution
Anger rages at the cause of this wound
So out of reach so turned inward
Someone should pay….
But it is only I who does
It doesn’t matter.. I don’t matter
To any other soul
All caught in their own webs of self-destruction…
Di © 1990